Although it would be nice to think we can change by reading alone, the truth is the Universe rewards action. These are things I've found helpful at some stage on my journey.
If you'd like to comment or ask questions either email me or post on the forum. Cheers. :-)
Tonglen Meditation
Tonglen is Tibetan for giving and taking. In the context of this Buddhist meditation practice it refers to the process of taking the hurt of your subject into the Heart you share with Source on your in breath and returning Love and healing with your out breath. This is quite different to most healing meditations, where the aim is usually to draw in the strength of Source and allow it to heal your own hurts, then breath out the crap you don't need.
Tonglen comes from the understanding that we are all Buddhas in essence and, therefore, have an infinite capacity to heal the world and ourselves.
If you find yourself with a victim complex I urge you to give this incredibly powerful meditation a go. It's especially powerful if you've been subjected to some kind of abuse from another.
How Do I Do It?
Just like this :-)
Sit in a comfortable position with your eyes closed. Lay down if you prefer, but it's far easier to stay alert if you're seated and you really do need to be alert for this.
Start by taking a few nice deep slow breaths. In through your nose and out sloooooowly through your mouth. Almost like a long sigh. This will release lots of tension.
Think of someone you know who is suffering - perhaps a loved one who has an illness - and slowly come to the awareness you wish to take away all their pain. On your in breath feel as if you draw all the pain and hurt out of that person and into the very center of your being. It's important to feel as if you're drawing this energy into the very Heart of your true Self - the place where you are one with all Life - your Buddha nature. This place is so pure, strong and true it dissipates all the hurt and pain, turning it into Love.
On your out breath feel as if you return this perfect love and strength to your subject. Do this for several minutes or until you feel like you've finished.
Once you're comfortable with this practice you can try visualising your self and using this practice to heal your own hurts. The hardest, but most rewarding, way to use Tonglen is on those who've hurt you in your past - especially those you find it impossible to forgive. Try it, you might be surprised!
Here & Now Meditation
This incredibly simple and effective meditation technique is the method I'm currently trialling. Unlike many other meditations this requires absolutely no effort or attention. In fact, it could be said it is the easiest way into the Silence of Being. Here's how you do it:
1) Sit or lay down in any comfortable position. If you lay down you may fall asleep, which isn't a problem with this technique to begin with, but in the long run you may find a more erect position helps you stay awake. You may have your eyes open or closed, but if they're open be sure you're simply gazing rather than staring at anything. A blank wall is probably your best bet.
2) Take a deep slow breath in through the nose, then release it slooooowly through the mouth whilst feeling a wave of relaxation flow from the top of your head all the way down to your feet.
3) In your mind tell yourself, "The body is here" and gently become aware of your mind resting in your heart area. There's no need to imagine it vividly or to see or feel this happening. It's simply a gentle knowing that your mind is resting there.
4) Then simply relax and let go of your body and mind. It's most crucial you allow the muscles around your eyes, nose and mouth to relax totally. The ideal feeling is that dreamy but deeply relaxed place between sleep and waking. It doesn't matter if you fall asleep to begin with for, with time, you'll soon find yourself staying more Aware of the stillness within.
5) If you find yourself following your thoughts and feelings again remind yourself "the body is here," place your mind in your heart then let go.
6) Try to do at least one session of between 10 and 30 minutes a day and a couple of shorter minute long session throughout the day. You should feel the benefit of this meditation within a week or two.
If you find this introduction to the technique useful you can read a little more about it here